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Member Article, How to Self-Loath



1. Get fat! Thankfully for self loathers, computer work offers one the ability to maximize caloric intake while minimizing metabolic stimulus. Knowledge workers can live by two closely related maxims: "Garbage In = Garbage Out," and "Garbage In = Belly Out." A box of cookies located adjacent to your keyboard--refreshed daily--can have you waddling around in a sea of self pity in practically no time!

2. If you weren't mocked by your parents or your peers as a youth, it's never too late to start! Have a close relative chide you for your lack of professional success or recognition. Go to your high-school reunion and compare your lack of monetary or social standing against your most successful peer. If all of those ego-, superego-, and id-deflating techniques fail, recall how much you suck at basketball compared to Michael Jordan.

3. Give up easily. If at first you don't succeed, quit! That strategy will minimize your opportunity to experience any disastrous morale-boosting achievements. In fact, simply avoid "achievement" at all costs.

Those are a few tips to help everyone get started. Good luck, and may you have a miserable tomorrow!

Member fiction provided courtesy of user Walt Schmerz.

(You can also read the page that inspired this here.)

If you'd like to submit your own graphics, stories or content, please read the user submissions page.

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