It kills me. I mean, Papa Bear O'Reilly got to publish his work of fiction, and let's face it, that thing sucked bigger floppy donkey dick than most of what I say in dictation whilst doped up on anti-histamines.

But it's no matter, I now enjoy over a million eyes at a shot on my various works, so I have to ask, can we get this scrappy book of proven commercially viable cleverity in to print already? I'm not being unreasonable here or asking for something I haven't earned, I just want what's due to me (by proxy via Tek Jansen), and in this case it's to have this, my killer book, Alpha Squad 7: Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Adventure, hit the bookshelves the world over.

Ideally I'd like it translated into everything from Mandarin to cuneiform, but I'd settle for a paperback deal with a modest quantum of publicity to in the mix.

In case you corporate types haven't heard of the blogosphere, let me tell you this: it exists. More than that, there are literally hundreds of bloggers who have asked for, nay, demanded that this book be published, and it's being published online as much as it's being read, and it's all right here, baby, right here on www.TekJansen.com.

So what am I to do? Tell them 'no, sorry, no dice, can't see my book because the "suits" haven't approved it for mass consumption'? No. Or rather yet, dare I say it, 'hell no'. The folks in the glass towers of the big cities don't get it yet, but you can make all that change, assuming you're in a glass tower and that you "get it".

So I'm publishing it here instead, by bits and pieces, and in a way that will prove to the unruly corporatons at whichever publishing company that may be that this, my book, is truly a popular and viable product. I don't care how many times you've read it and turned it down. Don't worry, I've got the ridiculously long list of turn-down letters here framed on my wall of shame, but that's water under the knee and I'm past it. You should see this wall though, it's something to be marveled at.

Even as of today there's over 30,000 words available, and the remainder is already done (or mostly done) and that doesn't even count the ever-growing glossary, which has tons of entries, many tons more pending for publication, and many, many more beyond that that need to be said.

In short, the book is already feature length. All I need is a feature length publisher with the gravitas to bring it to the mainstream.

If you have interest in publishing my book, now that you know how killer it is and how very widely and wildly popular it is at that, you just need to tell me. No hard feelings and no power play will come about, much as I'd love it to kibbles and bits and bits, I just want to share my good (albeit technically scientifically fictitious) words with the good and goodly world.

If you want to start it off by translating it into an obscure, tribal language, I could be open to that too, but we can talk about that at an appropriate time.

So join the forums or find another way to reach me through the site (but not my agent, that guy is a total dick. Super greedy and less effective than a low dose placebo) and we'll see what terms we can come to. (Seriously, he's had my manuscript for years and I'm just positive he's never farmed it out to anyone…. What kind of agent is that? A lousy one, that's what kind.)

And since you've now read this entire page, I bid you good day and I await your correspondence.

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