Chapter 5 – When Presidents Beg (page 2 of 10)
But when he asked this of me, it was as much of no surprise as it was an unwelcome one, a surprise that is. And I know that this is a confusing statement, but what I mean is that I knew he'd come to need me again, but I couldn't have had any idea of how severe his need was going to be, nor did I care to compose the thought with any regard for grammatical rules, not, neither, nor, as for to sensically review this paragraph for meaning at all, whatsoever. As a hero I simply accepted my lot in life, and as a reader you must now do likewise.
The president declared inter-galactic peace following a brief but successful campaign against a wide number of space-star planets that defied his rule. He swept in during a program of surprise and wearing down called "shah k' gnaw" and flatly defeated them in a prompt and decided fashion. Unfortunately he over promised the merits of democracy to the commissioners of the federation, because those dumb bastards made the mistake of believing what he said. This era became regrettably known as the time of "Sortie Sorta Accomplished".
They're good folk at the federation, and they really do act ever and forever in the best interests of their respective peoplages, but far too many of them are far too new to the inter-galactic game. They made the first mistake; the one that says "don't believe in presidents, they’re all God damned liars." When he declared an end to primary operations, they believed him and they disbanded the army. It turns out that was a dumb idea, and no one could have imagined that would have been the case, with perhaps the rare exception of everyone.
Yes, that's who said it wouldn't work, those "everyone" people. No matter, you do what you’re duly elected President decrees, even if it's only in his own personal best interest, even if you've only elected him because he's a great descendant of a great history-remembered dictatorial tyrant. Hey, the great-greats of Hitler got to rule Pluto for a hundred years and it turned out that spit of ice wasn't even a planet. The trains ran on time, though, but the Nazinistas and Gestapo-apos would have you believe another story.
This youngest Clinton, See Clinton, was the latest in the very long line of politically powerful Clintonians. Their family first rose to prominence back around the turn of the 2nd millennium long before Christ’s rebirth (first or third birth, depending on where your faith lies. Fortunately, my faith never lies.)
His ancestors were mayors, aldermen, governors, and of course presidents. At least two of the early tribe Clinton lead parts of old Terra, even as president. Historical archives said that both Hillary and Chelsea were at one time president, also someone else around that time is attributed as America’s first black president, but records are limited from that time, as record keeping during the dumb ages was limited and primitive English was difficult for modern scholars to interpret, not even counting the comedic prank language of legalese, a pseudo-language later determined to be the result of an overblown April Fool’s joke stemming from a bar bet.
But as I thought these ruminations at myself, my waxing day in the sun had already ended and, despite my insistence against it, I was being petitioned once more by my powers that be (and are). I turned him down, that President of mine, which is unlike me to do, but it only forced him and Charlize to hop on nowportators and head to my place of peace. I hung up the phone but it was already too late.
"What's wrong" asked Burggl. "What's going on, bro?". He was a good man and a good friend, but I hated it when his sycophantic ass called me ‘bro’.
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