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Chapter 26 - Abraxxia's Gambit (page 1 of 10)



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Our macroshuttle was granted tempora-permission to land for refuelination under the strict understanding we'd have sex with their women and be on our way. Of course it wasn't so simple, as we had to first submit countless tomes of nude depictions of ourselves and provide electro-proof we had intoxicating tinctures onboard. Also we had to submit genetic affidavits that we intended to use said intoxicants, as well as perform the acts shown in the illumi-photos of ourselves.

Talk about a shotgun orgy, the protocannons on this planet were trained only upon those who tired before the second coming.

The 5D holoMaxes we sent were falsified of course, you'd never get Cappy to contort like that, least of all while two yaks were fellating a half-man, half-hog creature. So too were falsified the drops of fermentiquor we dripped in to the tasteportator. Spaceport admitocustoms weren't really paying attention anyhow, their control deck was busy trading more fluids than a swap meet exchanges leftover crap from a multi-level marketing scheme gone bust.

And we were in. Not as "in" as we were about to be, but that adventure awaited for another moment -- and a soon moment at that.

We were granted permission to park amongst the dark matter negating invisoporters in lot E-4086-Yellow, which was both an honor and true benefit. We paid our hover parking, exto-pocketed our commemorative stub and mammal loaded the infracto-tram towards planet central, a mere 18,000 miles away.

"Best parking I've had in centuries," I said smugly to Cappy who was busy soiling himself for the adventure he knew was afoot. He'd never buckled in to a landporter of such speed and simplisti-sophistication and you could tell his human years and fears were peppering that salty sailor to eat him alive. "Hey," I offered, "keep your chin up, old man."

He smiled as nervously as mid-interrogation terrorist who's about to tell a lie with his scrotum tethered to electrozappocutors. "No seriously," I added, "if you don't keep it up your head will snap off."

A rush like a vacuum cleaner in a blender being smashed against a heavy metal electric guitar rushed by us, and four seconds later we had arrived. We were excited, relieved, and bleeding a bit from the eyes, ears, mouth, nose, belly button, urethra, anus and the majority of our pores. Otherwise we were well and in fine form to tackle the party and make away with our needed supplies.

We hadn't seen a single Margbwarian yet, but without protective goggles what would be the point?

"Check for weapons, please," rumbled the gatekeeper as we crawled off the sidemovewalkway. He was a hulking brute, thirty feet tall, covered with gills, scales, plates, warts and a few dozen of what sounded like Crabs Nebulae Howler Herpes, but who could be sure.

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