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When it came to tests of merit and metal I was second to none, even when it entailed gamma-dinello scans of my inter-synaptic protoneural conjectrotomotons. Pictures of bunnies, no problem. Holofilm of the Romulan Catholic crusades of sector 19, I was unfazed. A live action snuff scene set mere feet away from my scroll testing capsule, not an issue for me. I just leaned back in that scrotesty, not so much as a flinch or modest shift in penile volume.

Come on people, I'm a pro.

But all that was kid stuff. For a lesser man it would have been a test, but no one's ever had the nerve to suggest considering the insinuation of pondering the possibility of perhaps conceiving the notion that I was anything less than a really, really great man. Even those who suggest using merely two "really"s to describe me often tasted my french fisticuffs for the insult, and I never lost.

Clearly the even tempered sort of bravado perfect for meeting with new and different civilizations who know nothing of customs on earth. But when it came to Koandas, it was as real of a test as indeed any could imagine for any man, even a man as magnificent as Tek Jansen.

The Koandas are the soulless, godless killing machines of quadrant-5. Their horrific killing legacy is known throughout the entirety of the multitude of universes to most every being of every species and every race ever known to have existed, at least in the last hundred Q-ticks or so. Even planets devoid of space technology knew of them, or at least they should have.

Thanks to the sweeping Koanda Awareness Program (KAP) instituted by the United Alliance years back, even planets without intelligent life still had the luxury of oversized, full-color, full-taste, full-smell and full-other-sensation sweeping billboards posted every fifteen miles or so. All this just so that, should these planets bear sentient life, the first thing they'd know full well is to avoid the Koandas at any cost.

Of course, they don't invade planets, just space faring creatures, so technically it might have been a bit of an excessive gesture.

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